I'm not in love with my husband. And I'll tell you when I knew.

Baby C had a problem this morning and we had to promptly rush him to the emergency room. During this time it was very stressful, as he couldn’t stop vomiting and screaming but was hungry at the same time. Conflicting for a tiny baby. My husband and I began to bicker from the stress and from there, hurtful feelings and words started to fly.

It was then that I knew I was not in love with him.

Being “in love” with a person naturally indicates the opposite may happen: falling out of love.

My husband and I have had some severe fights, fought the distance of loving each other across the country, and moving him here to our state. I would never dream of leaving him despite my anger at the time. But yet, I fear him walking out on me every time I make a mistake.

Perhaps this is societal conditioning or a result of my own perfectionistic tendencies. As women, we need to remind ourselves that this is not the case with our husbands.

On that day where we stood at that altar with tears in our eyes, we pray. We dedicate our hearts, tattered and torn from prior lovers who mistreated and tossed us aside, to our other halves. We smile through the tears of joy, and we promise.

Marriage is a picture of unconditional love. Like God’s Love for the church and for his children.

We don’t need to live in shame and fear when we make a mistake.

We can walk freely despite our anger and come to a resolution in forgiveness with our spouse.

We are not “in love.”

We are unconditional love displayed in two human beings. We are eachother’s halves and teammates. For now, and for the end of time.

And that is, perhaps, the best love story that’s ever been told.

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