The familiar rush of anxiety, pain, and nausea pushes its way through my body, starting from my ankles and pushing up through my brain. The tightness in my chest follows, along with the shakes and immediate depression.
Why do I feel so afraid? I’ve felt this for years now every single day.
Even if you have been declared in remission, it is still such a long road to fight. The secondary co-infections, bodily issues, and hormonal malfunctions are too much to handle at times.
So many of us have sustained countless surgeries, piccline insertions, antibiotics that turn our bodies inside out… so why are we still so afraid of these rushes? Of the doctors?
Lyme patients are so sensitized to the bodily symptoms that we know no other sensation. We spend our days fighting to be heard against a broken and corrupt medical system that just won’t listen. We are sad over the loss of bodily autonomy and scared of what’s to come with the ever-changing illness. We have fought tooth and nail through each day for years to try to make something of ourselves in spite of the illness. We work with co-workers, live with family members, and talk with spouses who don’t understand our limitations at times. And still, we expect ourselves to be better and to fight through the moment peacefully.
While this is ideal, this is not always pracical. And that’s okay.
You didn’t do the dishes for the third day in a row? That’s okay.
You can’t bring yourself to shower after a full week from the reaction that follows? That’s okay. And we love you anyway.
The house is a wreck and you break down and cry the moment your husband walks in the door? That’s okay. Marriage is about supporting one another.
The only thing you did today is force yourself to breathe deeply through the unrelenting symptoms? You are a warrior. And that is more than okay.
Release the expectations you put on yourself. We are trying to heal and trying to be heard. Take every small thig that you can do and count it as a win. We are all rooting for you and are in this together.
Together, we will find a cure. But for today, let yourself be still.
*Graphic courtesy of http://www.lemonandlyme.com*